The Role of Shame and Guilt in Asian Cultures: Tips for Processing and Healing
In Asian cultures, the concepts of shame and guilt often play a significant role in shaping individual behavior and mental well-being. These emotions can be deeply impactful and ingrained, influencing not only how individuals view themselves but also how they interact within their families and communities.
While guilt can be useful and has an important function in life, when it turns into shame (i.e., seeing the self as bad), it can lead to deleterious effects on our self-esteem and well-being. The ways shame and guilt also interweaves with different values within Asian cultures often creates a complex struggle for many Asian Americans.
In this article, we will explore the cultural dimensions of shame and guilt and provide some tips for processing and healing.
The Cultural Dimensions of Shame and Guilt
Shame and guilt are universal human experiences, but their expression and impact can vary widely across cultures. In many Asian cultures, these emotions are often deeply intertwined with values, traditions, and expectations. Here are some cultural dimensions to consider:
Collectivism: Asian cultures tend to emphasize collectivism, valuing the needs of the group or family over individual desires. This can lead to a strong sense of responsibility and guilt when one feels they have let down their family or community. It also places high value on group harmony, which oftentimes leads to avoidance of confrontation and holding in one’s inner thoughts/feelings.
Concept of "Saving Face:" Maintaining one's reputation is crucial in many Asian cultures. Shame can result from perceived failures that may cast a negative light not only to the individual but also on their family and community. Suppression of the self also occurs, reinforcing inner shame, if it is out of alignment with group or social expectations.
Hierarchy and Respect: Hierarchical structures and respect for elders are significant in many Asian societies. Honoring these structures is seen as paramount, therefore, disobeying or disrespecting authority figures can lead to strong feelings of guilt and shame.
Cultural Norms and Expectations: Cultural norms and expectations, such as academic and professional success, can create immense pressure to achieve and excel. Sometimes these expectations are seen as one’s role or responsibility. Falling short of these expectations can trigger feelings of inadequacy.
Processing Shame and Guilt
Beginning to process the impact of shame and guilt within the context of our cultural heritage is a multi-layer process and can take time to work through. More often than not, the way our family or community related to us has shaped our self-view and taught us that speaking our thoughts/feelings is “selfish” or “bad”—so even starting the process may feel almost counterintuitive. Below are some tips for guidance and a general framework to consider as you move into this process:
Recognize you are not alone. Since our cultures emphasize the de-prioritization of the self and maintaining harmony, people often learn to not speak their feelings or thoughts about an experience, even when it is hurting them. While it may seem like you’re the only one, many Asian Americans struggle with internalized shame—we just may have learned to not talk out loud about it. It is also a natural human experience that people of many different cultures go through, to feel guilt or shame for not meeting expectations, societal pressure, and the list goes on.
Build self-awareness and name the impact of different cultural values you grew up with. Many of our values or ways of thinking have been taught to us and shaped by cultural norms/expectations. Because we grew up with it, it was seen as “just normal,” and we didn’t think twice about it. However, it’s important to begin exploring the different values we learned and grew up with, and how they may still be impacting us today (many of which may be fueling our inner shame).
Give yourself permission to critically think through different values. This may seem “wrong” or even scary to do, because you may not have been encouraged in your life to have your own individual perspective. But you can remind yourself that thinking through does not necessarily mean to challenge or change, but to look at the bigger picture and assess the impact and/or the pros and cons. This will also help us in differentiating between the values we live by that have been culturally imposed, versus our own values.
Practice self-compassion throughout the process. This can be a difficult journey to embark on, because it can entail going head first into the different aspects in our lives that have generated guilt or shame. That’s why it’s important to practice self-compassion—treating yourself with kindness and understanding as you would a friend. Also allowing yourself to have ups and downs in your journey, and reminding yourself that this is normal and okay.
Know that your truth may reside somewhere in the gray. One of the common walls I see Asian American clients hit up against in this process is thinking that they need to “give up” all the values they grew up with when they start recognizing some of the negative impact on their lives. Yet it is important to remember that part of this process is about finding our authentic voice and perspective in the midst of these values and our experiences. Many times we may be living out certain values in a black-or-white manner, so the hope is to allow yourself to see the gray, the strengths and weaknesses, positive and negative effects, of these values. Then from there, beginning to recognize where we fall on the spectrum, what we believe, and honoring what we see is healthy and good.
Each individual's experience is unique, and the path to healing may vary, so it can be helpful to work through this kind of processing with a therapist in-tune to these cultural complexities. Healing from shame may not be an easy process, but it is possible to move through it and toward a congruent and more balanced sense of self.
— Janet Park, LMFT
